Pandemic pregnancy?

I’ve pretty much wanted to be a mom since I came out of the womb. However, I’m OCD as well, and I had a life plan that I wanted to follow. This consisted of college, marriage, house buying, and vacations. Lol. Do I sound crazy yet? After many years of wonderful life experiences, it was finally time to live out my dream of becoming a mother.

Friends, family, and the internet have prepared me (so I thought) for this beautiful adventure of pregnancy. However, they all left out the details of a pandemic, and let me tell you… it kind of stinks. Now let me pause and acknowledge and thank God for a beautiful and healthy baby boy. I feel blessed and thank God daily for this precious bundle of joy, however it is hard to not also acknowledge the crazy times we are living in.

With this pandemic there have been many positives. I am able to rest whenever I need to. Honestly, I am so thankful for that. When I was teaching, I would try to nap during my planning time because I could barely keep my eyes open. I’ve also been given the gift of quality time. Those that know me know my love language is quality time. So these precious moments with my husband are near and dear to my heart. Not to mention, he spoils me daily. Each morning he brings my my coffee, ice roller, and allergy medicine to be. I just love this selfless man to pieces.

While I’ve been soaking in these dear memories, it is hard to ignore the negative that comes with quarantine. The most important event, the thing I feel most robbed of, is showing off my growing belly with my Mimi. Of course I want to show all of my family and friends, but my Mimi is my world. She is truly my soulmate. Each week, she asks for a bump picture. I am not to keen on these, as watching your body change is kind of hard. It is especially difficult when you don’t exactly look pregnant yet. Seeing her in person and sharing these experiences is something I’ve always dreamed of. Yes we talk on the phone a ton and facetime when we can, but nothing can replace our time spent together. I pray for the day I can sit in her house, snack on grapes and cheese, and share all of the exciting changes that have come with growing a baby. My favorite snack is grapes and cheese, and my Papa always has them when he knows I’m coming over.

Our state is slowly opening up, as stores will start allowing 25% of their capacity soon. However, being pregnant makes me feel nervous. There isn’t much research on COVID-19 in pregnant women, but I don’t want to volunteer to be the guinea pig and find out. It makes me want to stay in quarantine until this is for sure over. I don’t want any risks or danger put on me or the baby. Luckily, my husband runs most of our errands and Amazon (duh).

Quarantine has also robbed me of my official announcement and gender reveal. I have alway envisioned the day I would tell my students. I teach fourth grade, and this year I have the same students I taught my first year when I was in first grade. This moment was so special to me. Instead, COVID-19 has caused me to announce over a video. I didn’t get to see their sweet faces as they found out, or hug them tight as we celebrated. It makes me tear up every time I think about it. A gender reveal with close family and friends has pretty much been planned on my Pinterest for over a year (I told y’all I was OCD). This quickly changed when we couldn’t invite anyone. We made the best of it and did a Facebook Live in a private group with the people we are closest too. It was honestly the most exciting thing that has happened in quarantine, and it is definitely a memory I will remember forever.

While this hasn’t been that big of a deal just yet, if things stay the way they are it will be very hard. As of right now, my husband cannot come to any appointments. We got a new doctor and it is such a bummer that he hasn’t met her yet. Our appointments are short and truthfully I just get to hear the heartbeat. Although it isn’t the same, she lets me take a video. The worry comes in when I realize he may not get to see the baby at the next appointment. In a month, we go and will get a twenty week ultrasound. It should be the last one until the baby comes. I will be devastated if he can’t come to that and see our sweet baby boy on the screen with me.

I think the hardest thing about all of this is the fear of the unknown. Will I get to be back in my classroom next year? Will I get a shower? Will things still be crazy when I go into labor? I’m not worried about the “things” or material items that come from a shower. However, it is the memories with the people I love. My mimi sitting at my shower so excited to see the decor and cute baby things. The pictures of my belly and me with all of my family and friends. I value my relationships and I work very hard to stay in contact with all of my people. These memories are things I’ve thought and dreamt of since I was a little girl.

But, do you know what? God’s got it. He hears our prayers and he brings healing and peace. I find comfort in knowing our almighty God is taking care of us. Nothing, not even this pandemic, is greater than him. He is above and greater than all of this. I will lean on him and my faith and believe that everything is going to be okay. Although I wasn’t prepared for this type of pregnancy, God is here with me every single day. I chose to give it all to him. Through strengthening my relationship with him, I find inner peace and strength. He is so, so good.